Boo.

Feeling crummy...both kids are home sick today. Are you coming over here to clean my house, Lone Reader? Didn't you promise that? Plus you'd leave a bag of hundys on the front step? Oh wait, that was in my Nyquil-addled dream last night.

If Typhoid Mary knocks on your door tonight, give her, Medusa and the mummy all your candy and valuables and no one will get hurt.

Love, TM

Hippies vs. Squares

Nine ways in which my parents were hippies:

1. we moved a lot & lived for awhile on the edge of a reservation in Oklahoma and went to a res. school

2. Whole Earth Catalogue and Foxfire books were well-worn in our house

3. wrapped the house in used black plastic in the winter to retain solar heat (and all of us slept in one woodstove-heated room in the winter)

4. Both parents used the term "the fuzz" i.e., "Watch it, Jerry! It's the fuzz!"

5. Our dining room table was actually a picnic table, and for years we used glasses and cafeteria trays stolen from Cornell

6. father was an environmental science professor (still is) and we had a ridiculous amount of Stop Acid Rain stickers

7. Forbidden to eat grapes (solidarity with the workers), Wonder bread (supported Nixon), and Nestlé products (corporate boycott)

8. My dad had wild Grizzly Adams hair and full beard.

9. No rules, man…see you when I see you.

Nine ways in which my parents were not hippies:

1. Neither parent had braids.

2. Convenience foods were common at home, fostering a love of that trans-fat-crisp that sadly continues to this day.

3. My mom had a bouffant ‘do for years.

4. Too much tv = a deep appreciation for the disappearing art of the television theme song. sigh. (You take the good, you take the bad…)

5. No fringed vests, tie-dye or love beads. (They both had little John Lennon glasses, though.)

6. No communes!

7. Both parents called Jersey “home” for years and years.

8. All three kids have normal names, not a “Kharma” or “Marley” among us.

9. They both worked for the man – whatever university. It wasn’t until junior high that I realized most people don’t take summers off.

Verdict: Ivy League intellectual wanna-be hippies...the worst kind.

Super sick, man

I am so dang sick, so no real content today other than, yowza does that picture below crack me up. My brother looks like he either has to go to the bathroom or is practicing his supermodel pose. He's definitely the smart one in the group, though - no one can recognize him.

Happy Tuesday, Lone Reader!

Memorable costumes of my youth

This picture is not of people in costume...those are the outfits that the witness protection program gave my family when we got shipped out to Oklahoma.

Indian Princess: (It was the 70’s – no one said Native American yet) That year my mom was sick and my dad had to get me ready for the school Halloween party. It was really, really hard on him. (I believe it was the first time I heard the word "f*ck.") Maybe by now he’s learned how to braid hair.

McDonald's Fries: a great idea, just shouldn’t have been made out of posterboard – as soon as some one spilled something on me, I left trails of watery ink everywhere I walked.

Bag of jellybeans: really cute until some jerk realized that if he popped all the balloons I’d be left wearing a clear bag and a leotard. Super funny, let me tell ya.

Tube of toothpaste: this one turned out great. And it was the very first time I put a lampshade on my head. (and it needed to be a big lampshade)

Molecule at the German Club’s annual Fasching Party: In high school Connie and I dressed as molecules. It was pretty awesome– we had hula hoops on wires around us and we ran into each other all night. Okay, we weren’t in German Club, nor did we take German, and we lost the costume contest to a young man who wore the same damn frog suit year after year, but other than that it was awesome.

My friend Robin and I dressed in black garbage bags for a punk rock party. We were really the only people dressed like that, so it was a little embarrassing.

Once Jen called to remind me it was PJ day at ECFE (Parent/child classes). When I showed up in a long flannel nightgown, I realized it was only for this kids. Again, a little embarrassing.

Wednesday Addams: this was actually pretty recent – the Crystal Ball in 2005. My then-spouse was dressed as Uncle Fester. That part was super scary – he actually really resembled the dude. I always have a black tights, dress and shoes, so it was really only the wig and my companion that clued people in to who I was.

Hally Happoween, Lone Reader! (a little early)

I take offense!

A Strib headline from this morning:
Warm hands, not cold ones, lead to warm hearts: Study links physical warmth to nicer behavior

Michelle Bachmann's permanent pucker

U.S. Representative Michelle Bachmann said in a debate yesterday that illegal immigrants were "bringing in diseases, bringing in drugs, bringing in violence." Wow...that might be as close a definition of xenophobia as ever written. She also said that the recent fall in gas prices stemmed in part from a congressional relaxation of restrictions on offshore drilling this summer. Hmmm... I naively thought it was reduced consumption and a lower price for crude. Read more here.

From an AP story about the debate - Bachmann said, “If the presidency would somehow go to Barack Obama, I would welcome him to the 6th District as well,” she said after the debate. “As a matter of fact, I would put my hand on his shoulder and give him a kiss if he wanted to.” Watch out, Barack!

Let's hope that the tingly feeling she gets whenever G Dub is in the room resonates more with voters than the unfortunate name of her opponent. (Elwin Tinklenberg - say no more.)

Once again, Target is leading the pack in corporate donation to the Republic National Committee. Sigh. Where am I to shop, people?

Apropos nothing:

Joey Chesnutt dominates! In September he kicked Kobayashi's fanny at the Krystal Burger Square Off, eating 93 burgers in eight minutes. On October 12 he downed 45 slices in 10 minutes Sunday to win the first Famous Famiglia World Pizza Eating Championship in New York's Times Square. Jo-ey! Jo-ey!

I got all excited by the UCLA study suggesting that internet use makes one smarter. Then I read this in the Freakonomics blog on NYT. Dang...I guess I'm stuck here.

Have a great weekend, Lone Reader!

Bacon Bits n' more

¡Hola, Lone Reader! Yes, it's been quite awhile...I'm trying very hard to come back from this super freaky illness. Here's the latest:

1. My Elvis cupcakes made Bacon Unwrapped - yay! Oh, and you can't really refrigerate and then re-whip a buttercream. Or at least I can't.

2. I overheard my son say to a visiting friend, "You know how to get my mom to take a pill? Wrap it in bacon." True, but still insulting.

3. I just discovered the delightful Bacon Today. I loved the story about the tragic loss suffered by a store owner in California. There was a huge fire and he lost all the bacon...it seems the sausages survived, but that's really small comfort now, isn't it? On the plus side, his neighbors lost 3 pounds in water weight following the hours of salivating.

4. Did you see this? It appears that 'Joe the Plumber' isn't named Joe, isn't a licensed plumber and owes back taxes. What's the world coming to when you can't rely on rhetorical characters?

5. So, whad'ya think of the debate? It seems like McCain came out with fire in the belly and then lost it in a strange stroke-like series of rambling, angry comments. Obamanos!

6. Nothing to do tomorrow night...sigh. It's my first weekend without the kids in a month and I have nothing on for tomorrow. I need some groovy cats in my life who are willing to put up with my bizarre schedule, lack of time to do anything I don't want to do and general malaise. I think that level of insensitivity leaves me with hiring friends, aka prostitutes. That doesn't seem right. ("Hey officer, I wasn't going to do anything illegal! I just want to go to the Turf Club!")

7. At last, a new TRUE STORY: When my daughter was in Kindergarten, she joined the school's first-ever running club, with the intent on running in a local non-profit race at the end of the school year. She really liked it and did well. When race day arrived, it was pouring rain. We had committed to running, so we went down to River Road for the kids' one-mile. I lined up with my 5-year-old daughter and my 2-year-old son who wanted to run alongside for a bit. After about 1/2 mile, my daughter started complaining and said she was going to quit. I said, "Look, it's just as long to finish the race as it is to go back now." The whining escalated and she sat down on the course. In the rain. This didn't go over well with me. "Get up." "No." "Get up NOW." I'm starting to be aware that the principal and staff are running up and asking if everything is okay...yes, yes...my daughter has decided to sit in the middle of the road. Meanwhile my son is running in circles around the two of us and he begins wailing. "We're going," I say. I start to make like I'm going to continue running, then I think about how very cruel this seems. I don't actually want to leave my five-year-old on the middle of the road. So, if you were on River Road on a May morning in 2003, you might've seen a soaking wet woman, running and panting while carrying a Kindergartner over her shoulder, being dragged by a yelling toddler over the finish line. Next time I'm running it'll be when someone is chasing me. (and s/he better have a weapon or I ain't doing it.)

Ciao, bella!

Finally...the Elvis Cupcake!!

Well, Lone Reader, I am slowly getting up to speed. Some freak illness is causing big time headaches but my energy is coming back. But enough about me, what you REALLY want to know is...will the Dow ever crack 10,000 again? Will Sarah Palin's grandchild be named Shootin' Not Putin? or is it how was the Elvis Cake?? I thought so.

I decided to make Elvis Cupcakes, just because I didn't want to get stuck with something really unwieldy in case I needed to foist it off on co-workers. So what makes this an Elvis Cupcake? Peanut butter cake, with banana buttercream frosting, drizzled in chocolate, sprinkled with a mix of grey sea salt, turbinado sugar, codeine, Valium, morphine, and Demorol, and crowned with a lovely piece of bacon. That, and it will give you a coronary. Okay, I made up some of that...

The verdict is in: TASTY! And good to be in cupcake size, as you'll really only want one - it's pretty dang rich. The kids wolfed them down, as did my other test subjects. The bacon and banana combo wasn't off-putting like I thought it would be. Or maybe it was just overwhelmed by everything else going on.

There's no recipe, per se, as I was mainly winging it.
1. Make your fave yellow cake, but add about a cup of smooth peanut butter. Bake into cupcakes and cool completely.

2. While the cake is cooling, cook up some bacon pretty dang crispy and cool.

3. Make buttercream frosting, but add a very ripe banana, mashed super smooth. My frosting here is about 2 sticks butter at room temp, 4 cups of sugar, milk and banana. (I usually make frosting with whole milk, but didn't have any so I used a smidge of the 2% evaporated milk...it was fine.) Don't add a pinch of salt, 'cuz it's coming later.

4. Melt dark chocolate (or whatever you've got) for drizzling. Mix 1 part coarse sea salt with 5 parts turbinado sugar in a little dish.

5. Frost generously, drizzle with melted chocolate, sprinkle with the sugar/salt mix and garnish with a good sized piece of bacon.

There you have it...a peanut butter, banana, chocolate, bacon cupcake! Delish, baby!

Quote from the doctor

"no mono, no strep...let's just wait and see if your head cracks open...call back in a week if you're still sick."

Blecch

Still sick...doctor said, "Hmmm...let's drain you of blood and see what happens." Stink.

Feelin' Crummy...la dah dee dah dah dah dah

I'm going to the dr. tomorrow. Sick enough to go to a doctor is pretty dang sick in my book. Stink. No posts, even though I thought of two very funny true stories in my delusional, addle-brained state. Sigh. I hope the doctor doesn't lace into me about my nutritional habits - who sez that cashews and Tab aren't a fit breakfast?

Concert review

So, last night was the Weezer show. Tokyo Police Club and Angels & Airwaves opened. I missed Tokyo Police Club, but sadly, saw all of the Angels & Airwaves set. It was truly wretched…a classic example of “I am a rock star” preening and posing. It was so self indulgent and ridiculous that it’s difficult to describe. At one point the lead singer Tom DeLonge danced around in slo-mo while holding some kind of flashlights. He also put a laser helmet on and shines freaky green lasers into the audience. For I second I got excited because I thought it was maybe going to turn all Laser Floyd, but alas, it was still Angels & Airwaves. (It’s a baaad show when Laser Floyd sounds like an improvement.)

Weezer, however, brought it big time. They were amazing! I love to see musicians perform who appear to actually enjoy what they’re doing. Nothing is worse than whining, dour diva performers. (Okay, maybe Angels & Airwaves is.) Rivers and the gang seemed to be genuinely having fun, playing crazy nerdy, defiant power pop. The crowd lapped it up. I was beyond happy and jumped most of the entire show. Plus it was at the x, which is a) close to my house and b) such a great place to see a concert. Two Springsteens and I’ll raise you a Weezer – fab, baby.

So what’s next? I dunno, Lone Reader. No big concerts on the horizon. I’d really like to go see Ben Folds at Myth, but I can’t really swing the $30 right now. sigh

I know I’ve already written about this, but more detail from the Elvis Costello website:

As the leaves turn and the mercury steadily drops, it's time again to turn our thoughts to one of the most special times of the year. Yes, it's nearly time for the return of tinsel and wreaths, stockings and eggnog, and all the trappings of the annual television holiday special season!

Regardless of your religion, a good Christmas TV special can bring us together like nothing else. With that in mind, we are thrilled to announce Elvis Costello's participation in what is sure to be the Christmas television event of the millennium.

On November 23, tune in to Comedy Central for "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!" Comedian and former Presidential candidate Stephen Colbert will be joined by musical guests Feist, Toby Keith, John Legend, Willie Nelson and of course, longtime friend of 'The Colbert Show' Elvis Costello for an evening of song and cheer.

"A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!" will be available on DVD November 25, and since it is the Christmas season (kind of), a portion of the proceeds will benefit the charity Feeding America. The DVD also includes extras such as a "book burning Yule log" that will brighten up any Christmas with the glow of the embers of "The Da Vinci Code."

Peace out, Lone Reader! Keep hope alive! Ramp it up!

My RSS Feed - Random Stupid S*#!

Mr. Clean died yesterday at the age of 92. I’m sitting shiva by covering my floor with a layer of Legos and dog hair. He is survived by his wife Mrs. Meyer, daughter Caldrea and twin grandsons, Spic and Span. Mr. Clean’s brother, a custodian, has been incarcerated in a drum for decades and was unavailable for comment.

I started the day with bacon and Tab. It’s gonna be a good day. Tomorrow, WEEZER!!

I am very excited about the debate tonight, but I’m nervous for Joe Biden. It’ll be easy to look too aggressive, too tough and like he’s beating up on a girly-girl. I’ll be watching, 4sure. Let’s hope that Gwen Ifill really puts hard questions out there and demands answers. And Joe, watch the clock, Mr. Loquacious!

Believe it or not, msn.com has an article about how to select beer based upon your astrological sign. Mine is Cancer: OK, it is time for you to veer away from the traditional lager. This autumn, celebrate with a brown ale, such as Newcastle Brown Ale. It is nutty with a whisper of sweet, and it will not leave you dangling outside of your comfort zone. It is brewed with "top-fermenting" yeasts at 15-25 degrees Celsius and will leave you feeling refreshed. Give it the old college try! This may be the very first time in my life that I have actually followed the suggestions of an astrologist.

WOW have you seen the latest Al Franken ad?! It begins, "Al Franken sank these ships...crashed these trains...and he hates puppies." Doggone it, I like him. Watch the YouTube of it here.

Keep on keepin' on, Lone Reader!

Watch your back, Damien Hirst!

Here comes David Ottogalli, master of the Peep as medium. Maybe we could send this as a Trojan horse to Sarah Palin and she could eat until her teeth fell out...

See more of Ottogalli's amazing, obsessive work at peepshow.