On the run from Johnny Law

Yes! My J & D's Bacon Salt has arrived! And it is all they promised it would be. Okay, I haven’t tried it on anything but popcorn, but boy howdy! It IS good. Nummy. I still haven’t made the roasted chickpeas but will do so soon. I did make pizzas with Trader Joe’s pizza dough and I can heartily recommend it. It’s a pretty wet dough that comes in bags in the fridge section. By far the best was a prosciutto, spinach and goat cheese number. (Wait a minute…no bacon salt?!) I also tried the Trader Joe’s sparkling Mojito soda – tasty, but lacking in something, I can almost put my finger on it…oh yeah, booze. Definitely better doctored up with fresh mint and a little rum. (What isn’t?)

So here’s what’s goin’ on with the blog…the gallery had an opening on Saturday. (well attended, lovely folk, etc.) and it’s been pretty low-key. Not much going on to report about in my now life. Yes, I did facepaint at a school carnival, but you don’t want to read about that. (and no, I don’t know how to paint a ‘Charizard’ pick something else, kid.) So, without further ado, Part One of my Criminal Past, A TRUE STORY:

When I was in college, I had many jobs, one of which was as a ‘deskie’ at the dorm. One evening I got a call from the front desk saying, “Some lunatic just called here and said you’re some kind of thief.” Wha?! And within a few minutes, the lunatic called me. Apparently he had lost a starter set of checks in a local restaurant. Weird, ‘cause I lost my driver’s license in that same restaurant. Now someone was using my name and his checks all over town. The guy on the phone was super nasty, even after I explained, and I told him I'd go to the police dept. in the morning.

I walked into the station and asked to talk to someone. I laid out the whole story and the police officer said, “Okay, there’s something I need to say here…you have the right to remain silent…” I’m not sure what was said after that, because I covered my ears with my hands and rocked back and forth in the chair yelling “OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! YOU’RE ARRESTING ME! ”

Despite the fact that I was so clearly cool under pressure, it did take a while for the Sheriff to calm me down. They just wanted to question me. And it turned out that, because I had reported my license as stolen before all this happened, I was off the hook. For years after that, however, I would get letters demanding payment and I’d have to dig out the court papers clearing me and send them certified mail.

The lesson of today’s story is twofold: 1) don’t eat at Border Bandito, for many reasons, and 2) covering your ears and yelling is not a strong legal defense. (There’s a reason you haven’t seen that tactic on Law & Order.)

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time, Lone Reader!