Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Words that Velma cannot stand


I have had two employers, in two different cities, who both forbade the word “brainstorm” in the office. One of those two also told me to never use the word “innovative” in his presence. (Believe me Sir, it never crossed my mind.)

Are there words or phrases you simply cannot stand, Lone Reader, whether for overuse, misuse or just plain ol’ irritation factor?

Here’s my list:
Whatever (used with exasperation)
too much information


my bad


LOL

phone tag

ginormous


IMHO/IMAO

______Czar
perfect storm
bro
vetted
├╝ber________
pantry
literally
sexting
irregardless
ointment
crevice
bucket list
chortle
guesstimate
slither
and the worst word in the English language: smegma.

Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, Lone Reader!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Good Ol' Summertime


Holy mackerel, Lone Reader - this has been a whacked out few days. I have pulled muscles lifting heavy things, taken several bags of belonging to Goodwill ("What's that you say, child? Your Furby is missing? Do tell...") and begun to watch Motel Hell on DVD. I say begun to watch because I fell asleep about halfway through. That is one weird flick, man.

School is wrapping up for the young 'uns and thus brings to mind the lovely summers of my youth...dawdling in the dappled meadow, silently sketching dragonflies in the glen...oh wait...that was on the Waltons. My summers were spent fighting with my brother and praying for the rapture that would save me from from the commoners and plebeians of Little Axe, Oklahoma.

My kids have three weeks of day camps lined up. This, Lone Reader, will not be sufficient time in which to ply my trade. Sigh. What to do...shall I set up a "Do Your Own Damn Laundry Day Camp" in my basement? Perhaps.

Stay classy! Don't let Grandpa at the rheumatiz medicine!

Campbell's Soylent Green Soup


From the category of Ewww...

A worker in Germany has died after being boiled alive in an industrial soup vat.

The worker was scrubbing the inside of the 6′ 6″ pot when the lid accidentally shut, triggering an automatic process of adding boiling water to the pot. Several hours later, the man was found well-done and floating in a broth redolent of Kartoffelsuppe, a classic German potato soup.

The factory, a subsidiary of American soup giant Campbell’s, has been provisionally closed while an investigation takes place.

Monday, May 11, 2009

You Lookin' At Me?


You know what’s weird? When they change a popular bus route for that mainstay of the Twin Cities’ summer – road construction. The Selby Ave bus now goes down Marshall. This means that each time I drop the kids off at school I am ceremoniously greeted by throngs of anxious proletariats, congregating on seemingly random street corners, expectantly gazing eastward as the minivans roll by.

The first few days I thought, “What the Hell are YOU lookin’ at?” (Okay, sometimes I still think that…)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

Lest you think that my Mothers' Day must involve bacon, I give this:

I just had the most divine breakfast - an apple muffin and a Tab with ice. It was delivered by two singing children, along with cards and sweet homemade gifts. I am so in love with these kids.

And to the crafty moms out there, here's a funny picture from an old knitting book.


Happy Mothers' Day, Lone Reader!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Sigh.

My 7-year-old son is undergoing testing for cognitive processing disorders. We have spent 9.5 hours in academic testing in the past week. It is really, really hard on him. Between filling out reams of questionnaires, making copies of every paper he's ever laid a hand on in school and explaining the entire thing again and again, I’m so beat down. I need several days in an isolation tank. Got one, Lone Reader? And are you coming over here to clean my house? ('Cuz I kinda think you promised...)

Friday, May 1, 2009

Amalgam w/ bad counting

Number 1: Yes, it's true! You can now purchase a Tramp Stamp Barbie!


Numero Deux: I LOVE this installation by Luzinterruptus at The Prado.

Okay, I didn't see it, but I LOVE the pictures from it. I'm kind of a sucker for art that uses plastic bags, I admit. I once witnessed a beautiful dance on the banks of the Mississippi in which 40 people performed with plastic grocery bags. It was maybe a decade ago and I can still see how the one woman looked when she turned to the wind, her arms outstretched and the blue plastic billowing above her head.

4. On Fridays I can't count right.

17. Wuzzon for this weekend, you might ask? Some museum time at the Weisman, going to see the newly installed cherry in the Mpls. Sculpture Garden. (I've taken SO many pictures of forlorn visitors, gazing longingly at the spoonbridge with no cherry.) I'm also getting ready for the garage sale of the century - man, that's a lot of work. Oh, and playing outside. And of course, writing to you Lone Reader, you li'l devil, you.

Happy weekend! Love,
Velma