Yummy Hives!!

The Hives rock! 4Ril! Last night was a super high energy awesome show at First Ave. At first I was a little stunned by Pelle Almqvist’s blatant pleas for more attention. My God – is the adulation of this sweaty mob not enough for you?? But after it continued throughout the show I got it – they were playing the part of the cocky young punk band. And you know what? They were perfect. Climbing on speakers, prancing like Mick’s chicken walk, toying with the front row fans…it was all good, baby. They played fast and furious and the crowd was totally digging it. They sounded good, even if exactly like the album. But the energy was unreal. I danced the whole time.

By the way, if you decide to tape the entire show on your cell phone, well, don’t stand next to me. I’ll get real dang tired of your elbow smacking my temple and your stank armpit in my face…Don’t make me whip out the beatin’ stick…

I have a whole bunch of true stories and bacon taste tests start tonight…stay tuned, my righteous reader!

AND HAPPY LEAP DAY!

Mr. Chicken Takes One for the Team

Hello, Darling Readers! Today I interviewed applicants for an internship at our gallery. They were all very good, eager, earnest young faces looking to advance careers with energy and passion for the arts. I was so reminded of myself when I first moved here. One of my first real gigs was as a craft assistant for a television show on PBS. It was the pilot of the show, and we were all excited for the work and the opportunity to work on a national show. (The show shall remain nameless, but it rhymes with “Tonna’s Tay”)

Have you ever worked on a show with craft segments? You haven’t? Well, somewhere behind the scenes are people who feverishly build all the craft “swap outs”, you know, a sweater octopus with 3 legs, a sweater octopus with 5 legs, etc. so the viewer can see what the project will look like as it’s being completed. It’s a crap job, for sure.

The job was made worse by the tyrannical behavior of the director, whose whims were both eccentric and absolute. Examples? “No one says the word ‘brainstorm’ in my presence…EVER!” “I asked for this to be copied on Goldenrod paper and this looks like Sunburst…GET IT RIGHT!” or, my personal favorite: sending a certain minion on a quest throughout the building with a coffee cup and a mission – don’t come back without the sixth mug. That’s right, yours truly, walking into conference rooms saying, “Umm…excuse me…Mr. X has six of these very special mugs and one is missing. Has anyone here seen it?” Arrggh.

I worked with my good friend Lynn and she was smart. She reached her limit and quit. I soldiered on. I could take it, right?

Wrong. Once, at the zenith of the crazy, I was getting ready to go to bed and I heard something in the living room. I crept into the other room and heard a distinct sound. It was a mechanical sound of a rooster. A tinny little “cock-a-doodle-do” (or if you’re in France, “cocorico.”) Up on the mantle in our apartment was a fake rooster. He made of Styrofoam covered with real feathers. He was called Mr. Chicken because he was somewhat ambivalent about being male. He actually looked a lot like the one in the photo.

I had never heard him make sound before. It was clearly coming from him, though. It was a scratchy rooster sound, coming from our heretofore silent display rooster. In the morning I asked my then-husband, “Did you know that Mr. Chicken can talk?” He laughed and said you must’ve been dreaming. No, I was wide awake. We debated whether this was possible, but I had heard it. I held it in my hands while it was making a sound. To prove my point. I ended up taking a long beading needle to Mr. Chicken, trying to prove that inside him was a sporadically functioning sound mechanism. Of course there wasn’t.

Auditory hallucinations - a sure sign you’re under some serious stress.

And who made the ultimate sacrifice? Mr. Chicken…he went down without a sound.

Star Wars, Bad Tunes and Bacon Vodka

Final Jeopardy
Every now and then I get to watch Jeopardy, much to the chagrin of my children. Yesterday, worlds collided when the final Jeopardy question was read. I think the category was biblical geography... “In ‘Return of the Jedi’, a planet shares its name with this home of a witch who summons a spirit for Saul.” You never saw two kids get whipped into a frenzy like that, man. Something as flat out dull as Jeopardy is allowed to ask questions about kid topics? What’s next? Hannah Montana questions? “I’ll take Mac n’ Cheese for $200, Alex?” The answer was What is Endor? None of us got it right. Mainly because we’re heathens…there wasn’t enough Star Wars info in the clue for this crowd. It was pretty damn funny, though, that one contestant answered, “What is Tatooine?” Very biblical sounding.

Bad song, man
Grossest song I’ve heard on the radio in a while: Missing by Everything But The Girl. Dude, the main lyric in the song is “And I miss you…like the deserts miss the rain.” First of all, I don’t think deserts miss rain. Their defining characteristic is a lack of rain. Rain would just confuse them and leave them with no identity. Like in Memento. Secondly, the song sounds like rear. It should’ve been recorded by Sade in 1985. Ewww…

BLTinis this weekend
It seems like the BLT-inis are going to be had this weekend. The container of bacon vodka looks like it came from an evil lab: the vodka has taken on a weird cast and the bacon has all congealed into one big piece. It really looks like a specimen in formaldehyde. (Am I making you thirsty yet?) I have yet to figure out the lettuce part…perhaps an endive spear? At any rate, there will be photos and reviews of the entire spectacle.

C-c-cold
Despite the rising temps, I cannot get warm. Am I still recovering from the opening on the weekend? I dunno. But from Brookstone (land of things no one needs) comes this ridiculous thing – a jacket that heats itself. Me, I just buy cases of handwarmers at Menards and tape them to my skin.

Happy Tuesday!

Oscar night

Well, a great time was had by all at my friend’s Oscar party. The food was amazing! Sadly, she did not have red carpet coverage, so I missed the funny by Gary Busey, but that’s what YouTube’s for (keep smilin’ keep shinin’…). I have to say, I totally tanked on the ballot…Steve won by a long shot.

Who were the beautiful people? Anne Hathaway, not a fave actress of mine, looked lovely. Katherine Heigl was beautiful as always. The Rock, really not a fave of mine, cleaned up nicely and Javier Bardem was yummy like puddin’.

Who looked nasty? Well, Nicole Kidman had bizarre, off-center necklaces that bothered the home audience. Tilda Swinton was wearing a very odd black bat ensemble. And Daniel Day Lewis looked, well, eccentric and not in a good way. The worst of the night, though, was poor Jennifer Hudson. Wha? Did she say to her stylist, “I’m looking for something that makes me look gigantic and droopy”? She’s lovely and could look so much better.

I thought Jon Stewart was great! (I read today that Oscar viewership was at an all-time low, so maybe not everyone agreed with me.)


Thank you, thank you Mr. Stewart for bringing Marketa Irglova from ‘Once’ back to give her speech. I loved the movie and that song is so wonderful. Oscar nominated songs are so often the over the top Alan Menken/Disney theme things. Once was intimate and beautiful and that song was a critical point in the film. Delish. ‘The Swell Season’ is the name of a group that Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova perform in. They’re coming to the Orpheum Theater in May, which is way cool, and will be performing songs from ‘Once’ among other things. Tickets go on sale this weekend, but they start at $32 which is a wee bit spendy to see a band that doesn’t have Elvis Costello in it.

Who was happier than me when the Coens won? Only Frances McDormand. You know I love those Co-Bros. In the interest of full disclosure, I admit to being a bit inebriated by the end of the awards. I didn’t drive, so I perhaps was a little freer with the red wine than I should’ve been. Oh the shame…not really. I’m a grown up…I think.

This coming week will bring the bacon vodka / BLTini tasting, helping Drummer Guy ™ move and THE HIVES! (I am so excited!!) And I decided not to buy tickets to Kate Nash…I might go see Tapes n’ Tapes instead. Enjoy the warm up!! And happy last week o’ February!

Opening and Oscars

It was super opening, but COLD! Yes, I was unbearably cold...shivering, the whole nine yards. I don't think I warmed up until morning. There was magnificent food, though, and no sign of my beloved admirer, which I was grateful for. I did find a new suitor in Larry, the ice sculptor, but I think it's not meant to be. (How could I, a perpetually cold woman, even consider a future with a man who works in ice?)

Tonight I'm off to an Oscar party. I don't think I'll win anything, but I do have jewels provided by Fred Leighton. Or Target, I forget. I'm hoping that it's a big night for the Coens, because I loved No Country and I love the Coens. Good directors and politicians come from Edina apparently. (Go Big Al! He's good enough, he's smart enough and, doggone it, people like him!)

More later, my groovies! Our Feet Are Sane!

Bacon cookies

Yes, my friend, I made bacon cookies. They are outrageously good. And easy peasy. I wanted a fairly sturdy cookie, with a rich sweetness that echoed the smoky flavor of the bacon. The brown sugar base of a Toll House cookie turned out to be perfect.

The recipe as I made it:
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
1 lb. thin-cut bacon cooked, drained and crumbled to tiny pieces
Sugar coating:
2/3 cup granulated sugar and1Tablespoon cinnamon, mixed in a small bowl
Turnbinado (aka raw) sugar for sprinkling on top (optional, but so nice)

PREHEAT oven to 375° F.

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in bacon. Drop cookie dough into sugar coating mix by rounded tablespoon, roll to coat and place on ungreased baking sheets. Sprinkle tops with the Turbinado sugar, if using. BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

This American Opening

How much do I hate MPR pledge week? A lot. What really bugs me is that the pledge drive continues even after you donate. There should be a magic switch that allows people who have already contributed to listen without the guilt trips from Lynn Rosetto Kasper and the like. That said, you know I love Ira Glass...even during pledge drive. I went to hear him speak at Macalester years ago. It was his first out-of-Chicago speaking engagement for This American Life. He said his staff were all teasing him that we, the audience, couldn't possibly be interested in what he had to say. Instead, perhaps Macalester had invited him to deliver some dish on the workings of NPR. Then he leaned up to mike and whispered, "I have some dirt...Sylvia Poggioli is a man. Even worse? A Canadian." Oh, how I loves me some Ira Glass.

Tonight is a big night - it's an opening at the gallery! You know what gallery it is - don't make me say it. It's going to be a great party, so stop on by! (And say hi to me, unless you're a stalker, in which case I'm the burly man in the corner with prison tatts.) (Note to self: find guy with prison tatts to wear my name tag tonight.)