25 Things I learned since my last blog.

Lone Reader, Lone Reader…what can I say? I’m sorry baby, but why you gots to make so mad? Damn, baby, I promise I won’t do you wrong again.

I apologize, Lone Reader, for the long delay in writing. I wish I could give you a great excuse…I was called to be an election judge in Bora Bora, or the Coen Bros decided to make me an executive producer and I had to fly to Toronto for a month. The truth is so pedestrian…life intervened in unpleasant ways. I got sick again, and then had all kinds of crazy arrive on my stoop.

So, to catch you up to speed, here’s my version of the meme that’s caught facebook by storm: 25 things I’ve learned since the last post.

1. Rainy days and clinical depression always get me down.
2. Five days without your children can make you aimless, sad and giddy simultaneously.
3. Disney Cruises are not as bad as you might think.
4. I don’t like escargot.
5. I do like red wine. (okay, I already knew that one.)
6. No Name thick-sliced peppered bacon is really, really good.
7. An owl costume can be made in under 1 hour.
8. Ohana means family. And family means sometimes people are crazy and let you down with their lunatic rantings, but then you can turn to your intentional family and everything will be okay.
9. Netflix + free time = love
10. Even if you have a signed legal document, it don’t mean squat if no one enforces it.
11. Wife Swap is a very, very trashy show.
12. The site on my block with the most airborne particulate matter is along the alley.
13. If you’re judging a science fair and a student’s final sentence in his research paper is “It is our hope that our patients and clients find this information both informative and comforting at this time of stress” he probably didn’t write the paper himself. When you call him on it in a kind way and get a lot of ‘tude, I suggest asking him as I did, “So, who ARE your patients, Mr. Sixth Grader?”
14. Walnuts are tolerable on plain yogurt with blueberries.
15. Scramble on facebook is like crack.
16. The Ref is my favorite grown-up xmas movie.
17. A local supernatural investigation society has discovered high activity in the basement where I work.
18. Green tea steeped in Coke is palatable, if not enjoyable.
19. My autographed picture of Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey may be worth something, now that he’s Sir Whiplash.
20. Mickey Rourke?! Are you kidding me? Do I need to see Mickey Rourke ever again?
21. Funders are hurting, too.
22. If anyone could pull off that hat, Aretha could. (Now pull it off.)
23. I might be secretly a little bit Minnesotan since I took slight offense at the portrayal of Minnesotans in “New in Town”
24. Springsteen’s still got it.
25. I missed you, Lone Reader.