A Coen Bros Reverie

Well, on my way back after dropping off the kids at school, I happened by the Roseville Keys. Okay, it’s several miles out of the way, but I just had to make a surreptitious drive-by to see if the Coen brothers were there. They’re shooting a film in MN and this week they’re in Roseville. It appears that they were at the restaurant…there were cops all over the place, apparently so stalkers can’t get into…whatever.

It went nothing like this: I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. From a distance, Ethan Coen sees me and remarks, “Who is that vaguely Sephardic woman getting out of a slammin’ silver minivan? We need her in this film!” He murmurs as much to Joel and the two of them head over. Upon gracious introductions, the bros. immediately insist I sit in a booth in Keys, just in the background. The blintzes are free, so I agree. Sadly, after two takes, a pasty PA comes over to me and says, “The brothers need a word.” Uh-oh. That’s right – I’m out of the booth. Says Joel, “Your beauty is too damn distracting to be a bit player. I insist you have lines…the camera loves you.” I demur. “No, no,” I protest, I’m not an actress.” “That’s what makes you so remarkable,” says Ethan. Out of the corner of my eye I see Frances McDormand shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Has she been through this before, I wonder. They show me the scene on a tiny monitor…why, my goodness! The camera has not added 10 pounds, but taken away 20. I look damn good…I acquiesce and never look back.

Two years from now when I accept my Golden Globe from a slightly inebriated Jeremy Piven, I’ll thank you, Lone Reader. Maybe.