Dear Ms. Fairy, (I assume it’s Ms…if not, please excuse the error)
First let me thank you for visiting my son’s room last night. He is reaching an age where some parents might object to an unknown woman entering their son’s bedroom at night, but I always say, “As long as they leave cash, they’re alright by me.”
That said, WTF!? I’ve heard breathtaking tales of bounty you’ve left behind…Bionicle kits, a ten-spot, a silver charm. In Woodbury I know for a fact you leave Burberry wristlets. Here in Saint Paul, one lousy buck!? This is outrageous -- an egregious case of geographical bias! Why back in 1972 I would get at least a couple of sweaty quarters. That’s the equivalent of $2.57 in today’s dollars. (Annual inflation over this period was about 4.65%.) You’re not paying for gas; I assume you have little need for food, being a fairy and all. I demand equal pay for equal teeth – this is our inalienable right, right? If you decide to correct your irrational discriminatory ways, we would like $10 Target gift cards. And if you promise something from Tiffany, you can check under my pillow as well.
Best wishes,
Velma
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2 comments:
The Tooth Fairy Responds:
First of all, it is not "Ms." but Mister. (Please check your sexual bias at the door)
Your open letter of "thanks" smacks of sarcasm and judgement. How can you be so ungrateful? What right do you have to criticize anything given to your young 'uns for free, particularly in this age of $4 a gallon gas prices (and yes, I DO drive, thank-you-very-much) and a global recession?
There are children losing their teeth in China who would be very happy to receive a "lousy buck"!
You think it's easy to be me? You should try it sometime - flittering around from house to house, sneaking in some rugrat's room to move their sweaty pillows (Ugh! Did I mention that I'm a germ-phobe?) Not to mention the ridicule I sustain on a daily basis from some jock who thinks he's clever with the obvious "fairy" joke. Trust me, it ain't no picnic.
I'm gonna remember you. I'm not one to make threats, because my nature is kind and loving. but next time you look under your kid's pillow, don't be surprised if you find a lump of coal (trust me, I got connections with the guy in the red suit) and some chicken grease smeared across the sheets. That's all I'm sayin'.
First let me thank you for visiting my son’s room last night. He is reaching an age where some parents might object to an unknown woman entering their son’s bedroom at night, but I always say, “As long as they leave cash, they’re alright by me.”
That said, WTF!? I’ve heard breathtaking tales of bounty you’ve left behind…Bionicle kits, a ten-spot, a silver charm. In Woodbury I know for a fact you leave Burberry wristlets. Here in Saint Paul, one lousy buck!? This is outrageous -- an egregious case of geographical bias! Why back in 1972 I would get at least a couple of sweaty quarters. That’s the equivalent of $2.57 in today’s dollars. (Annual inflation over this period was about 4.65%.) You’re not paying for gas; I assume you have little need for food, being a fairy and all. I demand equal pay for equal teeth – this is our inalienable right, right? If you decide to correct your irrational discriminatory ways, we would like $10 Target gift cards. And if you promise something from Tiffany, you can check under my pillow as well.
The Tooth Fairy loves Woodbury kids best...
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