A Coen Bros Reverie

Well, on my way back after dropping off the kids at school, I happened by the Roseville Keys. Okay, it’s several miles out of the way, but I just had to make a surreptitious drive-by to see if the Coen brothers were there. They’re shooting a film in MN and this week they’re in Roseville. It appears that they were at the restaurant…there were cops all over the place, apparently so stalkers can’t get into…whatever.

It went nothing like this: I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. From a distance, Ethan Coen sees me and remarks, “Who is that vaguely Sephardic woman getting out of a slammin’ silver minivan? We need her in this film!” He murmurs as much to Joel and the two of them head over. Upon gracious introductions, the bros. immediately insist I sit in a booth in Keys, just in the background. The blintzes are free, so I agree. Sadly, after two takes, a pasty PA comes over to me and says, “The brothers need a word.” Uh-oh. That’s right – I’m out of the booth. Says Joel, “Your beauty is too damn distracting to be a bit player. I insist you have lines…the camera loves you.” I demur. “No, no,” I protest, I’m not an actress.” “That’s what makes you so remarkable,” says Ethan. Out of the corner of my eye I see Frances McDormand shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Has she been through this before, I wonder. They show me the scene on a tiny monitor…why, my goodness! The camera has not added 10 pounds, but taken away 20. I look damn good…I acquiesce and never look back.

Two years from now when I accept my Golden Globe from a slightly inebriated Jeremy Piven, I’ll thank you, Lone Reader. Maybe.

Reviews and other junk

Yes, there’s a palpable crazy in the air…it’s fundraiser season. I wake up at 2 am in a full panic, startled into full alert by the thought of attempting to match the shade of the lemonade to our new brand standards' CMYK. Arrgh…

So what did you do over the weekend, Lone Reader? I had a bit of a lonely weekend, with no kids for this first time in a month. It’s always an adjustment. Sigh. I’ll get used to this, right? (I’m still waiting. –ed.)

I did get a fair amount of sleep, and went bowling…dude! I got two strikes! Yes, I stink at bowling. My highest score ever was 84. (read my previous bowling post here.) It was still fun, though I wouldn’t want to do it more than every few months.

I also went to see the Don Cheadle movie Traitor. Dude! Seriously fab-ola. I really didn’t know anything about it, and just went with a few girlfriends who were intent on distracting me from my job. It was really good. Pretty standard structure, but a great narrative and the character development was phenomenal. Don Cheadle can read the phone book and I’d pay to see it. Plus it had Guy Pierce in it - bonus! (I loved Memento so much, man.)

Tonight is book club – we’re discussing My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. I read it a long time ago, and thus should’ve fessed up to book club so that we could all read the book at the same time, but hey…I needed to coast for a bit this month. I started out the book liking it and found myself getting less and less interested as the pages turned. As the plot progresses the characters become more simplistic and ending of the book made me downright hostile. Should be an interesting discussion tonight, if only because I think some people really liked it.

Well, I’m off to consume my third Tab of the day. (All those fundraiser bad dreams have me a wee bit sluggish today.) Keep hope alive, Lone Reader & I promise bacon soon!

An open letter to the Tooth Fairy

Dear Ms. Fairy, (I assume it’s Ms…if not, please excuse the error)

First let me thank you for visiting my son’s room last night. He is reaching an age where some parents might object to an unknown woman entering their son’s bedroom at night, but I always say, “As long as they leave cash, they’re alright by me.”

That said, WTF!? I’ve heard breathtaking tales of bounty you’ve left behind…Bionicle kits, a ten-spot, a silver charm. In Woodbury I know for a fact you leave Burberry wristlets. Here in Saint Paul, one lousy buck!? This is outrageous -- an egregious case of geographical bias! Why back in 1972 I would get at least a couple of sweaty quarters. That’s the equivalent of $2.57 in today’s dollars. (Annual inflation over this period was about 4.65%.) You’re not paying for gas; I assume you have little need for food, being a fairy and all. I demand equal pay for equal teeth – this is our inalienable right, right? If you decide to correct your irrational discriminatory ways, we would like $10 Target gift cards. And if you promise something from Tiffany, you can check under my pillow as well.

Best wishes,
Velma

More politics?!

From Adam Nagourney's article in today's NYTimes

“The Gore-Cheney series of vice presidencies have changed the nature of the job,” said Gary Hart, a former Democratic senator from Colorado and a friend of Mr. McCain. “What McCain has done is to try to revert to the 19th-century model, early-20th-century model of vice president — the ‘job isn’t worth a warm pitcher of spit’ model, which means you don’t do anything.”

“But we don’t live in that kind of world anymore,” Mr. Hart said. And, he said, that is a particularly relevant question given Mr. McCain’s age — 72 — and health problems. “I’m sure John thinks he can live forever, or at least for eight years,” Mr. Hart said.

In an interview a month ago on CNBC, Ms. Palin went so far as to disparage the job of vice president, saying, “What is it exactly that the V.P. does every day?”

I know what you're thinking, Lone Reader...when is she going to go back to bacon? How did the Elvis cake turn out? Where is the promised TRUE STORY? Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew?

Answers to these and other pressing matters soon.

Does that make McCain Bill?

How funny.

Vetting

FACT: Sarah Palin's oldest son, Track Palin, was born 8 months after the wedding. Hmm...conservatives don't fall far from the trees?

BLOG RUMOR: Sarah Palin's middle daughter, Willow Palin, is not actually related to the family at all. She's actually a very short Dominican national whom the family purchased online as a live-in caretaker.

****
FACT: The Vice-Presidential candidate has left the country only once in her life - last year. She does, however, live in the closest state to Russia.

BLOG RUMOR: The Vice-Presidential candidate does have extensive foreign affairs experience if you count her negotiations with her Dominican nanny and the time she thought about buying a Hyundai.

****
FACT: Bristol Palin's boyfriend/ fiancé/ babydaddy will attend the RNC tonight.

BLOG RUMOR: After making his appearance, Sarah Palin will shoot said babydaddy in the face and chalk it up to Vice Presidential privilege.

Okay, so maybe the "unnamed source" here is actually named Velma...who can say?

(photo from Mudflats

In a world where one announcer does all the trailers...

Sad. Don LaFontaine, known as the deep-voiced movie announcer, died yesterday. Here's a great interview with him. Bye, dude.