Monday, May 12, 2008
No, Speed Racer, No
Holy Carp, Batman! ‘Speed Racer’ sucks. Who is this movie for? Too complex for kids; too painful for adults. Rationale behind this review:
1) It has several nonlinear narratives structures, flashbacks, Speed racing against the ghost car of his dead brother Rex, blah blah. Well, you know what? Having a complex structure and no plot is kind of a problem. The kid audience was saying, “Which one is Speed? The little kid?” And parents were frantically trying to explain, “Well, they’re both Speed, honey. The director is using a hackneyed device to show inner conflict and the passage of time.”
2) There are several swear words, including a choice word by Speed. Why is it more palatable to me for the bad guys to use foul language? I dunno…it just is.
3) The color is outrageous. It is sooo saturated. This is really the only way that I see any glimmer of success in this movie – the ambiguous era, crazy vivid wallpaper and futuristic Tokyo-bright world is pretty intoxicating. and painful. and seizure-inducing.
4) Yeah, it’s picky…but using a wipe transition of characters moving across the screen every single scene change gets old and confusing. It’s like being trapped in a pinball machine with things popping up everywhere and no relief in sight.
5) It just isn’t that much of a stretch to think of Christina Ricci as a manga character – she’s got that gigantic head, with huge eyes and shiny black hair. Scary.
6) Lastly, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! 2 hours and 15 minutes?! That’s not a red scarf around Speed’s neck…he slit his own throat, praying for release from this hell.
Not good, man. Really, not good. ‘Underdog’ was better. (and that’s saying something.)